All those Olympic sports? yeah, they're not...
I thought this would be a good time to go over my argument for why the Olympics are bullshit. Why now? Because I have studying to do, of course...
First of all, what is a sport? I've got what I feel is a pretty good definition, and if you disagree with me, while I totally respect your right to be a dumbass, you're still a dumbass. But going to the books, dictionary.com has this to say about it:
The first rule of determining whether something is a sport is whether a "judge" is involved. Stated more succinctly, there must be a clear method of determining a
winner and at least one loser by an objective set of goals. This anti-requirement for a judge is distinguished from that of a referee in that a referee is merely an interpreter of the rules, and whether they have been followed. A judge, on the other hand, is an individual charged with evaluating a performance and scoring it. You know where else they use judges? Beauty pageants. Art contests. Chili cookoffs. None of which anyone would argue are sports. There's a reason for that--because if your performance is subjective, its not a sport.
I'm not saying its not difficult. God knows I couldn't squeeze my ass into a pair of speedos and jump in the water with a bunch of synchronized swimmers (and not just because I'd be afraid of popping a boner around all the chicks) nor could I even pretend to be in the kind of shape that floor gymnasts have to be. But just because its hard, doesn't make it a sport.
The next qualification is that it has to be human-powered. You can use external apparati like a bike, but any work done must be done by humans. Guess what isn't human powered? Nascar racers. Horse races, too, for that matter. As much as it pains me to admit a Frenchman in bicycle pants is closer to being a sportsman than [insert racecar driver here], he is.
Next rule: all participants involved have to be able to compete in another competition (tragic ends and freak accidents notwithstanding). Everybody. Including deer, quail, squirrels, bass, catfish, and whatever the fuck else people hunt. Again, it may take skill and cunning, but that alone doesn't make a sport. [note: i'm willing to make an exception for those hot chicks Bobo says catch catfish with their bare hands from stumps, assuming the fish are released after being caught.]
Last requirement: it has to be ACTIVE, requiring physical exertion. My offhand way of stating this one is that if you can compete professionally while drunk, its not a sport. Bowling, as much as i enjoy it, is not a sport.
So who's disqualified here? A short list:
First of all, what is a sport? I've got what I feel is a pretty good definition, and if you disagree with me, while I totally respect your right to be a dumbass, you're still a dumbass. But going to the books, dictionary.com has this to say about it:
sport: n. an active diversion requiring physical exertion and competition.I go further than this, but the physical exertion and competition parts are important components.
The first rule of determining whether something is a sport is whether a "judge" is involved. Stated more succinctly, there must be a clear method of determining a
winner and at least one loser by an objective set of goals. This anti-requirement for a judge is distinguished from that of a referee in that a referee is merely an interpreter of the rules, and whether they have been followed. A judge, on the other hand, is an individual charged with evaluating a performance and scoring it. You know where else they use judges? Beauty pageants. Art contests. Chili cookoffs. None of which anyone would argue are sports. There's a reason for that--because if your performance is subjective, its not a sport.
I'm not saying its not difficult. God knows I couldn't squeeze my ass into a pair of speedos and jump in the water with a bunch of synchronized swimmers (and not just because I'd be afraid of popping a boner around all the chicks) nor could I even pretend to be in the kind of shape that floor gymnasts have to be. But just because its hard, doesn't make it a sport.
The next qualification is that it has to be human-powered. You can use external apparati like a bike, but any work done must be done by humans. Guess what isn't human powered? Nascar racers. Horse races, too, for that matter. As much as it pains me to admit a Frenchman in bicycle pants is closer to being a sportsman than [insert racecar driver here], he is.
Next rule: all participants involved have to be able to compete in another competition (tragic ends and freak accidents notwithstanding). Everybody. Including deer, quail, squirrels, bass, catfish, and whatever the fuck else people hunt. Again, it may take skill and cunning, but that alone doesn't make a sport. [note: i'm willing to make an exception for those hot chicks Bobo says catch catfish with their bare hands from stumps, assuming the fish are released after being caught.]
Last requirement: it has to be ACTIVE, requiring physical exertion. My offhand way of stating this one is that if you can compete professionally while drunk, its not a sport. Bowling, as much as i enjoy it, is not a sport.
So who's disqualified here? A short list:
- NASCAR
- synchronized swimming
- most gymnastics
- the luge, ski jumping, and most downhill ski events (powered by gravity, not humans)
- hunting
- bowling
- paper football
- skateboarding
- chess
- darts and pool
- baseball (its a stupid fucking sport, but a sport nonetheless)
- football
- soccer
- cycling
- cross-country racing
- orienteering
- anything else that fits into my rules.
posted by karmajunkie @ 2/26/2006 10:46:00 PM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
First, you left basketball off the list, but you included soccer?
Second, NASCAR requires physical endurance and exertion. A hell of a lot more than any of the others you listed. NASCAR is a "Motor"Sport though...they don't pretend it isn't. but most of those guys are athletes
I didn't realize basketball needed defending as a sport, but since you bring it up, it certainly qualifies.
NASCAR, on the other hand, is a stupid competition in the first place, and it still doesn't qualify as a sport. And in no way does it even begin to approach the kind of physical endurance and exertion that's required of someone cycling, marathonning, or even dancing in a ballet. "Motor" sports is just how drivers justify to themselves that they're actually athletes instead of dumbasses driving around a closed track for several hours. I will grant, however, that NASCAR probably requires more physical exertion than baseball, which is a stupid enough game that I'm considering excluding it from the list on principle.
I've got another sport in that category, except I call them "hand" sports. it involves doing stuff with your hands. Among the many activities included in this category are playing Xbox, blogging, playing piano and guitar, and jerking off. I'm almost at the professional level in the last one. I wonder if my school has a scholarship for that? Hmmm... no, doesn't look like it. I wonder why? maybe its because ITS NOT A SPORT!!!
[and before someone brings it up, no, golf is not a sport. and its a stupid fucking game too.]
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