this is a libel suit waiting to happen...
Y'all ain't gonna believe this, fellas--the womenfolk's fightin' back! No longer content to sit back and put up with the scurrilous, womanizing ways of men, a woman named Tasha Cavelle Joseph created a site called www.DontDateHimGirl.com, an online database of adulterous and philandering men garnered from reports by women all over the country. If ever there was a niche website, this is it, though I don't doubt it will grow in popularity quickly. The site highlights a "Cheater of the Day" and lets women search for cheaters based on name, city, or keywords, as well as add a man to the database. The search facility has me wondering: searching by name I get, but why would someone need to search by city or keywords?
I have several problems with this site and sites like it, however. [Author's disclaimer: I cheated on a girl once, 11 years ago, my senior year of high school, by kissing another girl at a party. In my defense, we'd only started dating a few weeks earlier after making out at another party. And as I later found out, she'd "started dating" four other guys at that party--so much for monogamy!]
First, I have a philosophical problem with putting a person in the stocks, so to speak, when they haven't even been presented with the opportunity to tell their side of the story. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"--thankfully its not so commonplace as to be routine, but more than one person has been accused of infidelity out of jealousy, spite and malice. (and ladies, before you get indignant, I'm well aware of the fact that men are just as guilty as women of this sin.)
Secondly, this is hardly equal-opportunity; where is the site for women who cheat? According to a 1998 CNN poll, those polled were only marginally more likely to know men who cheated (69%) versus women (60%), which is not necessarily indicative of the numbers of men versus women cheating. What was interesting about the same poll, however, was that men were about equally likely to have their opinions of a cheating spouse unchanged: 43% for men cheating, and 41% for women. Women, however, were far harsher towards men than women: 70% of those polled said their opinion of a cheating man would change, versus 39% of women. There is obviously a double standard here which this site has seized upon as a business opportunity.
I don't think anyone would really condone infidelity, even if they wouldn't condemn it either. However, I think that sites like this really underscore the need for women and men alike to exercise a modicum of judgment and caution about entering any new relationship. My advice to men and women alike is to be upfront about where your relationship is going whenever you start dating someone. If two people haven't said outright, "I am not seeing anyone else," don't assume that just because you see each other more than you see your pets that both parties are being monogamous.
I have several problems with this site and sites like it, however. [Author's disclaimer: I cheated on a girl once, 11 years ago, my senior year of high school, by kissing another girl at a party. In my defense, we'd only started dating a few weeks earlier after making out at another party. And as I later found out, she'd "started dating" four other guys at that party--so much for monogamy!]
First, I have a philosophical problem with putting a person in the stocks, so to speak, when they haven't even been presented with the opportunity to tell their side of the story. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"--thankfully its not so commonplace as to be routine, but more than one person has been accused of infidelity out of jealousy, spite and malice. (and ladies, before you get indignant, I'm well aware of the fact that men are just as guilty as women of this sin.)
Secondly, this is hardly equal-opportunity; where is the site for women who cheat? According to a 1998 CNN poll, those polled were only marginally more likely to know men who cheated (69%) versus women (60%), which is not necessarily indicative of the numbers of men versus women cheating. What was interesting about the same poll, however, was that men were about equally likely to have their opinions of a cheating spouse unchanged: 43% for men cheating, and 41% for women. Women, however, were far harsher towards men than women: 70% of those polled said their opinion of a cheating man would change, versus 39% of women. There is obviously a double standard here which this site has seized upon as a business opportunity.
I don't think anyone would really condone infidelity, even if they wouldn't condemn it either. However, I think that sites like this really underscore the need for women and men alike to exercise a modicum of judgment and caution about entering any new relationship. My advice to men and women alike is to be upfront about where your relationship is going whenever you start dating someone. If two people haven't said outright, "I am not seeing anyone else," don't assume that just because you see each other more than you see your pets that both parties are being monogamous.
posted by karmajunkie @ 3/08/2006 04:10:00 PM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
haha...this is so stupid. they will really be pissed when men fight back
I have a few words to say about this site and a certain posting on it. I am a wife that has been cheated on. My now ex-husband and a co-worker of mine are the perps. He was just alerted last friday that his name has appeared on this site. I quickly got on the site to see it. This "other woman" has posted him on here because OMG, he cheated on her, and with his own wife, the nerve!. She anonomously posted this, although making herself out to be the victim of a cheat, when she herself was the one that cheated with my husband while we were still married! What really pisses me off is that she is playing the "oh woe is me" role while knowing and having admitted to deliberatly befriending me to get to my husband with total disregard to the true victim here, and no it's not me, it's our daughter. She was just 3 when this happened, and bless her heart her little world will never be the same. My whole complaint here is that this site and most of it's "authors" are horrible. It allows these women to say whatever they want to say, out of malice, about these men and the site allegedly clears the posting to make sure it does not slander or defame or contain any libelous remarks about the man. Whatever! Have they actually read the postings? I can totally be on board for a site that lets women and men vent their anger over an affair by telling what happened to them, but by doing it while being general. Like saying Fred in Bedrock, instead of Fred Flinstone in Bedrock. I mean how many Fred Flinstones could there be in the city or town, compared to how many Fred's. This site is gonna get busted soon. I know that my ex was contacted last PM by CNBC to appear on a show about the website. He unfortunately did not ask them what exactly it was about or how they got his #. He declined their offer. That prompted me to get back on the site, which I had gotten a log-in to on Monday so that I could access more, and low and behold, other than the home page being up and being able to pull up the last blog page from 3/10, the rest of the site seems to be shut down. You can't search anything, or log in,or get anything further of the site to come up besides the home page. Could it be that finally someone has shut it down? I hope so. I don't want to sound as if I condone cheating in any form, however I believe that the majority of these women and even "the other women" in my situation are way in the wrong for posting their "dirty laundry" on this site. In my case the person not only gave my ex's full name, but also the city and his job. Now tell me how that is legal. That could get a person fired, not to mention cause humiliation esp. if what is posted has no truth to it. I would love to see someone sue this site and finally put an end to it.
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